I’ve been practicing tarot for several years now, and I’ve noticed I’m absolutely terrible at reading for myself, especially when it comes to relationship questions. It’s like my objectivity completely vanishes, and I end up seeing every possible interpretation except the obvious one staring me in the face.
The frustrating part is that I can read for complete strangers with crystal clarity, but the moment it’s about my own life, I become this confused mess pulling card after card, hoping for a different answer. I wonder if we’re just not meant to be our own readers because we’re too emotionally invested to see clearly.
Has anyone actually mastered the art of reading for themselves without the wishful thinking taking over?
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Oh man, early days with tarot. I remember being so confused, sitting there with my grandmother’s old deck and having no idea what I was doing.
I kept pulling cards, hoping something would make sense about whatever guy I was hung up on. Self-readings get weird because you know yourself too well. Or maybe not well enough?
I would % read this thread:
Knowing how to give better readings for anyone like this will really help when you’re doing readings for yourself.
I’ve been doing solo readings forever. That emotional stuff you’re talking about is real. Sometimes I pull a card and just feel something before my brain catches up.
Yeah, my self-readings are kind of a mess because of bias.
The best thing to do is to read with someone else to start with. Ideally, someone who isn’t going to sugarcoat the messages they see (often the case when best friends get a deck together).
As you see how others read the cards for you, you learn how to do it yourself properly.
Like I’ll get The Tower and be like ‘oh this is fine, probably just means a small change’ when it’s clearly telling me shit’s about to hit the fan : sweat_smile: I mostly just use personal readings to practice with the deck now. Though I definitely still reshuffle when Death shows up in my work spreads : skull: Old habits I guess
I’ve been trying something different with my self-readings lately. Instead of looking for concrete answers about what’s going to happen, I focus more on what I’m feeling. Like when The Fool shows up, I think about why I might be craving something new spiritually rather than wondering if it means I should take that job.
The Lovers card used to stress me out. Will they text back? Are we meant to be together? All that. Now I just use it to look at my patterns around relationships and the choices I make.
Yeah, I struggle with this too. I think most good readers come up against this (bad ones don’t even think about the potential problems).
Self-reading for relationship stuff is hard because you want certain answers. What works for me is practicing on boring topics first. Like pulling a card for work stuff or what to cook for dinner. You get better at being objective when there’s no emotional investment. When I’m really wound up about something, I stick to one card pulls.
Or maybe just use Major Arcana cards. Less to overthink that way. I also started pulling a daily card in the morning, but not looking at the meaning until the night. By then, I can see how it actually relates to my day instead of trying to make it fit what I wanted.
Sometimes I create my own spread positions based on what I need to hear, rather than what I want to hear. Like ‘what am I avoiding’ or ‘the unsexy truth.’ Your gut reaction to the card tells you a lot. If you’re disappointed by what you pull, that’s information.
Been there. I pulled the Tower reversed again and again, asking about a job. I read it as a bad sign.
What followed was the dismantling of my old work setup. Not fun, but it was accurate. Reading for myself is hardest with relationships. I asked about getting back in touch with an old friend. Three of Swords kept showing. I tried to spin it as healing.
It was a heads-up about reopening wounds. The meetup hurt.
When I’m emotional, my reads get messy. The cards can mirror something true, but I’ll bend the meaning to fit what I want. That’s usually where I go wrong. Now I let the uncertainty sit. I test a couple of interpretations and watch my gut-the one that feels heavy is usually the one.
I get super specific with my questions to avoid lying to myself (though let’s be real, it doesn’t always work when feelings are involved).
Instead of vague stuff that lets my brain fill in whatever it wants, I ask things like ‘what blind spots am I creating here?’ or ‘what am I ignoring about this person?’,
My way to start is ‘what would my most honest friend say if they saw these cards?’
The cards can’t stop us from seeing what we want to see, but they’re pretty good at calling BS when you ask the right questions. Though yeah, I definitely reshuffle when the tower shows up. That was just a practice draw anyway, right? nervous laughter
My first tarot teacher used to say we’re our own worst clients and she was right.
Reading for myself means you have to have something with set positions. Has to be the Celtic Cross any time I try to do a reading for myself.
Having those defined positions gives my wandering mind some structure to work with. When I catch myself doing the wishful thinking thing, I try to focus on specific imagery or phrases from the guidebook that resonate, even if they’re not what I want to hear.
My mentor taught me to look for the first thing that jumps out visually on each card before my brain starts making up interpretations. Yeah, there’s probably confirmation bias happening, but at least it forces me to slow down instead of frantically shuffling for a better answer.
If you would rather not read for yourself (many of us don’t), then do a reading swap with another member here. We each do a reading for the other and we get away from the bias trap.
Oh god, the relationship readings are the absolute worst for this. I can nail a reading for someone I’ve never met, but the second it’s about my own love life? Total mess. If it’s for a relationship, do a spread swap with another member. Don’t try and do this yourself, trust me.
If you’re really determined then try and treat yourself like a paying querant. I book actual time on my calendar, sit in my reading chair (not my couch), and record everything in my journal before I even start interpreting. Same as I would with a first-time client. The physical ritual creates distance. Also started doing this thing where I pull cards but don’t look at them for an hour.
The wishful thinking never fully goes away though. It’s still not a great idea when you have an emotional bias you can’t get away from.
I think you get good at catching your own bullshit after a while, but it takes a lot of time and practice before reading for yourself is actually useful.
If I want insights into what Spirit has in store for me, I’ll swap readings with another Tarot reader. I won’t try and do that myself. If I’m doing it for me, I take it more inward.
First thing to fix is instead of asking “will they text me back” try “what do I need to understand about this situation.”
Move away from predictive and use it more as inner guidance.
When you stop asking yes/no questions hoping for specific answers, the bias drops way down. Also, I never read when I’m emotional. Crying over someone while shuffling cards? Recipe for disaster. Wait 24 hours minimum.
If you’re learning from watching someone else read for you, then pay attention to the interpretations you immediately rejected or felt resistance to. Those are usually the accurate ones you didn’t want to hear. You also need to be actively paying attention, don’t let your mind just switch off and wait for the result. Like skimming the page of a book waiting for the dialogue because it is easier to read.
If you catch yourself thinking ‘well that’s not quite right’ when someone reads The Tower or Death for you, then that’s exactly the interpretation you need to sit with. If there’s no emotional discomfort, then you’re probably not getting to the real issue.
The reshuffling thing is so relatable though. If Death shows up in a work spread, then obviously that was just a warm-up shuffle, right? The real reading starts now. We’ve all been there.
Maybe we aren’t meant to be our own readers for predictive stuff. It just seemed so wrong right away that I never tried it after the first couple of days with my first deck.
I use my readings more like a set of psychological prompts when it’s for myself. The cards aren’t telling me the future, they’re just reflecting my own subconscious back at me. So if I get a scary card in a relationship reading, it just shows me my own fear. So I’m getting introspection (instead of crazy anxiety).
I do the same thing with difficult cards. The Three of Swords is a good example. It’s too easy to tell yourself it’s about healing or releasing pain when really it’s just… pain. The card isn’t subtle, but we make it complicated because we don’t want to hear it.
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